The Real Me?

I have often written about how, upon inner reflection, it seems that I am not nearly as smart as some people seem to perceive me being.  When I have written something that I have been told is incredibly insightful, I have trouble recalling the details of what it is I have written.

That is true for most of the content on this blog.  With a few exceptions (the research into Ning Li, or the Difference Between Dad And Father for example) the majority of what I have written is sometimes surprising to me, as I have no recollection of it and it is like reading something completely new.

I do not know if this is something that others experience or not.  But insight, which I do actually have a lot of, only comes when I am not expecting it.  For example, today something occured to me (and prompted this post):  maybe it is “the real me” coming through?

I have often wondered if our “spirit”/”soul” were actually reachable via our subconscious mind.  It seems that our subconscious mind has an ability to  supersede our conscious mind, and basically “take the wheel”.    Normally it would be something that is life saving or sensational, such as when a friend of mine felt a strong urge to step backwards right as a light fixture crashed down where he had been standing.

I have often equated my writing to be akin to “automatic writing”, the oft maligned “trance/channeled” writing done by charlatans.  That along gives me pause for thought, as I may no longer be able to deem all such people as charlatans.  But that aside, when I am writing something, most often I am so focused that it takes physical intervention to get my attention.  I type much faster, with far fewer mistakes (I have been timed at up to 80 wpm under normal circumstances, and would expect that when I say “faster” it equates to upwards of 100 wpm).  And, since I can’t really recall what I have written “channeled writing” seems to be a good description for it, if only in metaphor.

But earlier today, while pondering this whole thing, something else occurred to me:  there are fingerprints of action on the part of  “the real me” all over my life.  For example, my work history.  I decided, shortly before starting nursing school, to work in a call center.  It was the highest paying job in town, and they were looking for work.  I am well spoken, so was hired.  It doesn’t matter one bit that I hadn’t ever been on the internet, and had no usable computer experience that was more recent than 8 years old (a very long time back in 2001….the birth of the internet age).   Nor did it matter that I was to be a tech support agent for AOL.  As a matter of fact, and it defies all odds, I was the top agent in the site the day I got out of training.  Two months later I was a Trainer, a few months later I ran the training department, and a few weeks after that I was managing a reopening of a site in another city.  This is an 18 month period from no supervisory experience (or tech experience) to managing 300 people and a telecommunications call center.

Strangely enough, I was exceptionally good at it.   And that experience is something that I have leveraged into different industries ever since, to where now (after dropping out right after my freshman year of college) I am an accountant.  I have always joked that I seem to get hired for jobs I am totally unqualified for, and then managed to figure out how to do it.  And it is always inexplicable to me.  I rarely understand what I am doing until one day I just suddenly have a massive insight, and it all becomes clear.

It almost seems as though when I am struggling, I am propped up by something that is coming from my subconscious mind.  It is quite hard to describe it, but that is how it feels.  And it becomes rather obvious that some people pick up on this, and call it various things like “God”, or “spirit guide”, or whatever (depending on religious beliefs).



2 Responses to “The Real Me?”

  1. As usual, that was a great post!

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