Are Dolphins Plotting Against Humans?

I came across this site yesterday, and was shocked to find how conniving the serene looking dolphin actually is.  It wouldn’t surprise me if they have been plotting a world take over since we first started invading their homelands back when men first ventured into a seafaring life.

Read on to be horrified at the terror that goes by the name “dolphin”.

Dolphins control 70% of the Earth’s surface, including many major rivers. How can one say this? Well, it is a fact that the majority of Earth’s surface is covered by water, 70% to be precise. Dolphins, of course, live in the ocean and they even admit that they are the kings of the sea in the theme song to Flipper. Also they control the rivers because there is a group of animals known as river dolphins that are related to the better known group of ocean-dwelling dolphins. These animals do, in fact, share similar policies and values and are allied publicly. A good analogy for this situation is the following: ocean-dwelling dolphins are to river dolphins like Nazi Germany is to Fascist Italy. Another historical reference that is suitable to this situation is that dolphins have an Imperialist policy similar to the European nations of the late 1800’s. Dolphins believe that it is their “Manifest Destiny” to conquer the world. Other, but less likely reasons for their attempt to destroy our species, is that they are trying to revenge the dolphins that were killed in the tuna fishing nets. There is reason to doubt this because that would be a noble act, impossible for such a despicable creature.

Dolphins do have the ability to attack and destroy humans. One of these abilities is that they can use the sonar waves that they use in echolocation for more devious purposes. Since ultrasound can be used to breakup kidney stones it is very obvious that dolphins have the capacity to emit certain types of sound waves from their melon to destroy particles in a human body.

Many scientists also believe that dolphins could very well be the most intelligent life forms on this planet. If this is true then dolphins can very easily outwit us strategically and scientifically. We, the Anti-Dolphin Organization believe that many dolphins may take a kamikaze approach to attacking us. Our reasoning behind this is that many dolphins die on the beach, the only problem is that nobody knows why. We (Anti-Dolphin Organization) have heard reported incidents that humans have been threatened by this behavior leading us to believe that the dolphins are attempting to attack and destroy humans.

Dolphins, obviously very intelligent creatures, may have the technology to create hideous creatures of the deep; possibly the monsters of the deep that mariners of yore spoke. It could be that dolphins are to blame for many of our silly fears of sharks, they caused us to fear their greatest oceanic enemy. We destroy the dolphin’s enemy and at the same time allow the human race’s most feared enemy to prosper. Dolphins could be the “evil empire” that Reagan was actually speaking about. One thing that all of us here at the Anti-Dolphin Organization agree on is that dolphins cannot be trusted, they are our mortal enemies. We do not condone the senseless massacre of dolphins, unless the dolphins provoke we humans.

We hope that this explains our point-of-view and that you, the reader has been open-minded enough to cast off the myths of your childhood and that you see the truth. You must ask yourself at this point in your life what is more important, the human race or the dolphin.

They go on with some terrifying scenarios, worthy of requiring enhanced body searches to keep swimmers safe:

World War III has ended. Nations all around the world have suffered heavy losses. Everyone everywhere is mourning their dead. At the worst time, the dolphins attack.

They start out by attacking swimmers (as usual), and then they work their way up to large ships. You must be thinking, “How can dolphins take down a large ship?” The answer is quite simple, they use their high pitched, particle-destructing sonar (Similar to the ultrasound used to breakup kidney stones) to attack the weak spots on the ship or they could gain assistance from whales. After the ships have sunk, the dolphins will use the wreckage to assemble vehicles that allow the dolphins to move about on land. These “dolphin vehicles” could be equipped with primitive weapons such as spears, catapults, or “rock guns.” Losses could grow to thousands due to the fact that 50% of the population lives around the coasts.

….snip…..

Dolphins have high pitched, particle-destructing sonar, as mentioned earlier. They could use this ability to loosen large chunks of ice from the poles and create ice burgs. (Titanic?) These ice burgs melt as they travel through warm water. This will add more water to the oceans and cause coastal flooding. Dolphins will then gain more and more control of the Earth’s surface.

Source

I think we should all write Al Gore demanding an answer as to what he is doing about this potentiator of global warming.  Certainly, it would make the situation for polar bears far more difficult.

I just know that something must be done, and soon.  We must attack them over there so that we don’t have to fight them over here.

 

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3 Responses to “Are Dolphins Plotting Against Humans?”

  1. I definitly want some of what you are smoking. Mind altering drugs can be very enjoyable every now and then. However would not like to be PERMINENTLY brain damaged like the author (and ALL other believers) in this must be!!!

  2. This must be some the funniest post have i read in a looong time! Thanx!:)

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